Embarrassment Ensues
by HaiJu
Summary: Maddie, experimentor. Phantom, experimentee. No chance of rescue. No personal space. Nobody's getting out of this with their dignity intact. Oneshot series, dark humor, kind of crack. Loosely related to Phantom of Truth.
1. Necessary Evil

"So I realize I'm your test subject and you're going to perform all kinds of painfully painful experiments on me in the name of science, but I do get bathroom breaks, right?"

Maddie nearly choked on her coffee. She set it down carefully, then looked up at Phantom, who was fidgeting uncomfortably where he floated, standing on nothing, in the middle of the containment unit.

"I beg your pardon?"

Phantom blushed a bright green, suddenly finding the tile floor of the lab absolutely fascinating. He twisted his gloved hands together, not meeting her eyes. "You know, when I've got to...uh, go. Relieve myself. Take a leak. Pee?"

Maddie's eyebrow inched higher with every term. "What are you trying to pull, Phantom? Ghosts don't have that bodily function." The humanoid form of a ghost only went skin deep; inside they functioned more like a self-perpetuating energy source than a living being. He shouldn't even have the, er, equipment to make it work.

"Well, this one does. And he'd appreciate it if that was, you know, _sooner_, rather than later." Phantom's voice was getting a little strained.

This ghost... he was actually serious? Maddie stared, realizing that Phantom wasn't only fidgeting out of nervousness. He looked like a toddler in a long line at a water park.

He _was_ serious.

"Fascinating."

"No, not fascinating," he shot back flatly. "Embarrassing, yes. Stupid, yes. Urgent? Very urgent. Now are you going to let me out or not?"

"I think I may have a solution for you." She rummaged through the odds and ends on the lab table, finding the object she had in mind. There was a slot at the front that allowed her to insert objects without interrupting the electric field. Phantom floated down to pick up the object, looking puzzled.

That puzzlement turned to shock and disbelief as he connected the dots.

"You have got to be kidding me." He looked from the glass beaker to Maddie and back. "This is your idea of a solution?"

"You can relieve yourself, I get my sample. It works perfectly."

"Sample?" Phantom's voice squeaked into the next octave. "Seriously? That's so gross!"

"You could just wait it out," That earned her a glare from the scandalized ghost.

"I think I'd rather be dissected," he mumbled, turning a few shades closer to puce as he stared down at the little glass container.

But really, what choice did he have?

* * *

_A/N: _

_This weirdness is not canon for Phantom of Truth (you know your fanfic's out of control when it has canon, sheesh) but it's a question that came up in the first couple of chapters...belatedly inspiring this what-if scenario. I just threw this together within an hour, so any concrit would be appreciated!_

_Dedicated to jeanette9a and those other brave souls who dared to ask. XD_

_Edit: For those of you not in the know, **the story of ****Maddie holding Phantom captive as a science experiment is from my longer fic, Phantom of Truth. **If you want to know why he's there and what happens, please read that story!_

_-Hj_


	2. Exposed

He was incredibly detailed, so real in every feature. Ghosts should never have this kind of accurate anatomy; they were reflections at best, vague reworkings of the original form held together by a simplified electrical matrix. But Phantom...he was different. Refined. Almost human in his physiology. It was as amazing as it was baffling.

Maddie leaned over the specimen, as if a closer look would solve the problem.

"Hey."

On the other hand, Phantom was a perfect example of an ectoplasmic entity. He had the same faint translucency. The same luminescent aura. The same echoing, not-quite-there quality in his voice. She prodded the chest with a gloved finger. Same icy cold skin.

"Ow! I said hey! Stop poking at me!"

Even the clothes looked real, as if they weren't an extension of the body. There was a faint seam from a zipper down the front, and the gloves had a believable thickness to them.

"Geez, come on. I don't know how much more of this staring I can take. If you're going to look, look at me, don't stare at my body like that. It's kind of cree-uh, what are you doing? Hey!"

Maddie reached out and took hold of the zipper.

"I'm not even sure that comes o-oh, crap, it does."

The thick hazmat-like material parted, revealing a skinny, pale, but incredibly human-like torso. It had real skin with a similar tone to Phantom's face. She could even see the ribcage and the individual musculature.

"Fascinating," she murmured.

The ghost, who had flushed a becoming shade of chartreuse, rolled his eyes. "Yes, I'm sure my utter lack of abs is a tribute to the wonders of science. Will you put my shirt back on now?"

Maddie ignored him and pulled the zipper down further.

"Wait. No. No, no, no!" Phantom's voice cracked as he strained to watch her move further down the table. "You can't take my clothes off! I'm a minor! Violation of rights here! Not cool!" He pulled against the restraints to no avail. "This is so not happening..."

The ghost froze, eyes wide in horror. He went ever so slowly from bright green to ash white.

She stared down at Phantom, head tilted to one side, completely perplexed by the inexplicable sight. It was so... so completely not what she had expected.

"Phantom? How on earth did you get a pair of Fenton Works briefs?"

* * *

_A/N:_

_...yeeah, not sure what weird part of my brain this one came from. Loosely related to Phantom of Truth by some stolen paragraphs and the fact that it could have happened during that fateful examination. This was again, thrown together quickly for the sake of a joke, so any concrit would be appreciated._

_Dedicated to **Laora**, who wanted to see it written, and **MsFrizzle**, who also gives Danny embarrassing underwear._

_-Hj_


	3. Keeping it Brief

"Did you steal them?" Maddie demanded. "Have you been swiping anything else from the Fenton inventory?" The thought made her skin crawl. What exactly was this ghost's obsession anyway?

Phantom writhed against the restraints, giving her a scandalized glare as the flush on his face turned several shades greener. "Are you nuts?! Who would want Jack Fenton's face plastered all over their...their stuff! You know?"

"Then why are you wearing them?"

He squirmed. "It's not like I have a choice! They kinda came with the jumpsuit..."

"Are you saying they formed out of your psyche?" That was an idea about ten times as disturbing. She backed away slowly, reaching for the tools on the counter.

"Yes! No! What?!"

Maddie snatched up an electroprod and flicked it on. A spark jumped from the device and sizzled on Phantom's exposed chest. The ghost yelped.

"Get that thing away from me!"

"Answer me clearly, ghost! Why are you wearing the Fenton Briefs?"

"I can't help it if I died in the weirdest, most embarrassing pair of underwear that ever existed!" he burst out.

Phantom froze. All the color drained out of his face, leaving him starkly pale in contrast to his earlier blush.

Maddie frowned down at him, trying to puzzle out that statement. "You what?"

The ghost fidgeted, fingers tapping against the handcuffs in a nervous beat. He licked his lips and glanced at her sideways. "...I died in them."

Maddie stared at Phantom; he had to be lying. Those briefs were custom printed and shipped directly to their house. There was only one living boy who had access to the Fenton inventory. The only one who would ever have the opportunity to wear a pair of Fenton Briefs would have been...

Maddie laughed.

It was such an absurd idea. Funny, even. Danny, Phantom? Maddie blinked, only half aware of the electroprod dropping to her side. Danny Phantom. Danny Fenton. Their names were so close. She'd never even thought of it before. It was coincidence, of course. Wasn't it?

"You're not saying..." Coincidence or not, it somehow frightened her. Her son? Danny? Died?

Phantom sighed, staring up at the ceiling. "Remember how freshman year of high school there was an accident in the lab? You know, with the ghost portal? Remember how after that your son refused to wear anything with Dad's face on it ever again?"

"Yes, but..." Danny Fenton. Her son. Phantom. The similarities were clicking into place with blinding speed. It just couldn't... but it had to be. What other explanation was there?

"Now you know why."

"Danny never liked the Fenton Briefs," Maddie said blankly, grasping for something—anything—to prove him wrong, to shore her mind up against all the suspicions—no, the realizations—that had come pouring in. It just made too much sense.

"It was laundry week," Phantom muttered. "And you can't wear boxers with jumpsuits, you know that. They get all bunchy."

Maddie shook her head, gripping the device tighter. "He wouldn't. He'd never..." She looked this ghost—this ghost that looked suddenly much more familiar—sternly in the eye. "Danny never wore them."

"He—no," Phantom swallowed visibly. "I. I did, Mom. Once"

Maddie shook her head, backing away until she bumped into the table. A tray of instruments clattered to the floor, scattering razor-edged scalpels and sharp steel probes across the lab flor. They were there for the sole purpose of examining, analyzing, dissecting the ghost before her. The one who was dead. The one who was...who wasn't. He couldn't be.

Maddie felt numb. The words wouldn't leave her throat. "Danny said...he said he'd never be caught dead in them."

Phantom—Danny—let his head drop back onto the table with a weak laugh. "Well, darn."

* * *

_A/N: _

_PoT is being beta read, leaving me stir-crazy and impulsively poking at WIPs._

_S__o here it is! a brief (hehe) followup for the previous chapter. Credit goes to **OwlCat92** for talking me into writing this out._

_-Hj_


End file.
